Joke of the Day :-)) - Page 586 - Indian Real Estate Forum

planner · 16-09-12

wine el==

planner · 16-09-12

work

VedKapoor · 16-09-12

Quote:

Originally Posted by planner

The new breadwinner in the UK :

Here’s how a doctor explains it:

A woman in her late 20's came to the hospital today with her 8th pregnancy
...
She said to me "My mum told me that I am the breadwinner for the family."

I asked her to explain. She said that she can make babies and babies get money from the State for the family.
It goes like this:

The Grandma calls the Department for work and pensions, and states that the unemployed daughter is not capable of caring for all of her kids. DWP agrees, and tells her the children will need to go into foster care.

The Grandma then volunteers to be the foster parent, and receives a cheque for £700 per child each month.
Total yearly income: £58,800 soon to become £67200 when the 8th one is born, tax-free and nobody has to go to work! In fact, they get more if there is no husband/father/man in the home! The brother does not count.
Not to mention free dental treatment, free housing, free council tax, free school dinners, free tuition fees at college or Uni, free eyecare and glasses, free prescriptions and various other benefits...

Total value of all benefits combined probably approaching £100,000 per annum which would require an income of around £148000 to create.

That's about my salary as a senior consultant with years of experience and surgical skills in a central London teaching hospital.
Indeed, Grandma was correct that her fertile daughter is the "breadwinner" for the family.

This is how the politicians spend our taxes. When this generous programme was invented in the '60s, the Great Society architects forgot to craft an end date... and now we are hopelessly overrun with people who vote only for those who will continue to keep them on the dole.....
No wonder our country is broke!

Worse, our Muslim brothers have been paying attention, and by mandating that each Muslim family have eleven children, they will soon replace the voting bloc above and can be running this country.

Are we alarmed yet, is anybody listening?

Sincerely,

Sebastian J. Ciancino - Urologist,
Guys Hospital trust - London
Don't forget to pay your taxes!!
There are a lot of “breadwinners” depending on you!

WHEN ARE WE GOING TO WAKE UP

Thanks for the informative post. Though, we knew generally about this dole thing in UK..but it is quite interesting to see how it is working...no wonder a good number of these goras are not cut out for hard work, and only a few go in for higher education...easy money from the word go...where will it stop...huge pressure on the national resources....we in India crib about subsidies...

Reading the post..it seems vote bank is important every where...

khotasikka · 16-09-12

Munna Bhai MBBS ke hospital mein ek patient aaya:

Munna bhai: Pareshaan kaahe ko ho raha hai... Kya hua tere ko?

Patient: Munna bhai mere ko AIDS ho gaya hai.

Munna bhai: Kya locha karela re tu, tere ko AIDS kaise hua?

Patient: Bhai maine toh sirf Chumma liya tha.

Munna bhai: Ailaa.... Ae Circuit suna chumma lene bhi AIDS hota hai saala. Aaj se saare bhai log ko FACE MASK dene ka. Chumma lene se face mask pehenna zaruri hai.

planner · 16-09-12

Free Man

planner · 16-09-12

Enjoy n start your day with a smile..................
P'njaab Airways : IN-FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT

Gudmarning, Ladies and Gen'lemen. P'rajee aur Behnjee. Sat Sri Akal.
On behalf of Captaan Balbir Singh 'Bobby', this is your Flight Supervisor BantaSingh "Bunty" welcoming to you on the P'njaab Airways flight no. 9211(Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana.
We apalogize for the two-day delay in taking off, b'cause the sun was not shiningbrightly in the fog. And we are knowing the sun does not shine in the night.
Landing in Ludhianais not dafinite, but with good luck we can be landing d'rectly in your v'llage.
P'njaab Airways has exc'llant record for safety. In fact our safety standardsare so high that even the fully trained tarrists and hijackers are afraid tofly with us.
I am pleased to 'nounce that starting this year over 90% of our p'ssaingershave reached to their dest'nation.
For the rest 10%, the P'njaab Airways staff has lots of experience forconsoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be haippy to brief youon our out-of-court settlement policies.
If engines are too noisy, on p'ssainger request, we can turn them off forcomfart, but your flight will become late and you may become the late also.
For our religious p'ssaingers, we are the only airline who can help you tocontact God at once. In case of sudden loss of cabin pressure, Holy Books willbe quickly distributed.
We regret that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we could not recordit from the tallyvision due to power cut.
But we will be flying right naxt to Air India, where their movie can beseen from the right side cabin windows. These windows have been opened
For your viewing convenience. For p'ssaingers on left side, we have putbinoculars under the seat.
If AirIndia flight is again cancelled, then for your in-flight ent'tainment.Our hostesses Bubbly Kaur & Cuckoo Kaur will do the Bhangra with flightstewards Pappu and Tappu. Oye, Balle Balle!!
Your in-flight Menu has a choice of Chicken Tikka Masala, Tandoori Fish, Dalmakhani, unlimited P'ronthas and Lassi.
There is a half charge for Red Label Whiskey served from Black Label bottles. Patiala pegs will be served only on Patiala flights..

As per safety rules, smoking is not allowed on all P'njaab Airways flights overP'njaab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on theengines.
Please do read the 'structions on the Safety Card in seat pocket in your frontside. It is not a hand fan.
The P'ssainger behind you must read the card in your backside.
Life jackets are placed under your seats for emergency water landings on any ofour 5 rivers. Do not use life jackets on the land.
Kindly keep your seat in upright position for take-off & landing. Also donot use force. Broken seats will not be replaced and you will be tied to thefloor during take off and landing.
Please be seated first and then fasten your seatbelts. Do not call for stewardor airhostess for a glass of water when plane is taking off.

We are about to take-off. We wish you a pleasant flight. For air siknessproblems we have echo friendly jute bags in the sit pokets
Thank you once again for flying with P'njaab Airways

Krazy Yuppie · 16-09-12

Don’t try to Understand a Girl Completely,

If you do……

You either Go Mad..

Or

You will
Start Loving Her.. ..!! !!

planner · 16-09-12

Thanks a lot,
It's a good lesson learnt from your rich experience.

Again thanks for sharing your experience.

Cheers,

planner · 16-09-12

Marriageis the only war where
onesleeps with the enemy.
TommyLee

Whena man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep
her.
LeeMajors

Aftermarriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't
faceeach other, but still they stay together.
AlGore

Byall means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
badone, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Womaninspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
MikeTyson

Thegreat question... which I have not been able to answer.... is, "What
doesa woman want?
GeorgeClooney

planner · 16-09-12

I hadsome words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
BillClinton

"Somepeople ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restauranttwo times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
dancing.She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
GeorgeW. Bush

"Idon't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
RudyGiuliani

"There'sa way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking.It's called marriage."
MichaelJordan

"I'vehad bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second
onedidn't." The third gave me more children!
DonaldTrump

Twosecrets to keep your marriage brimming
1..Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2.Whenever you're right, shut up.
ShaquilleO'Neal

Themost effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once...
Kobe Bryant

Youknow what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
DavidHasselhoff

16-09-12	#5851
planner Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Middle East Posts: 1,502 Likes Received: 738 Likes Given: 739	wine flu wine el== Attached Images

16-09-12	#5852
planner Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Middle East Posts: 1,502 Likes Received: 738 Likes Given: 739	work work Attached Images SILKYJAIN19 likes this.

16-09-12	#5855
planner Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Middle East Posts: 1,502 Likes Received: 738 Likes Given: 739	Free Man Free Man Attached Images

16-09-12	#5857
Krazy Yuppie Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Bharat Posts: 1,359 Likes Received: 1188 Likes Given: 1599 My Mood:	Don’t try to Understand a Girl Completely, If you do…… You either Go Mad.. Or You will Start Loving Her.. ..!! !! planner likes this. __________________ Dil Jawan Hai To Jahan Hai

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16-09-12	#5854
khotasikka Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Middle East Posts: 659 Likes Received: 131 Likes Given: 180 My Mood:	Munna Bhai MBBS ke hospital mein ek patient aaya: Munna bhai: Pareshaan kaahe ko ho raha hai... Kya hua tere ko? Patient: Munna bhai mere ko AIDS ho gaya hai. Munna bhai: Kya locha karela re tu, tere ko AIDS kaise hua? Patient: Bhai maine toh sirf Chumma liya tha. Munna bhai: Ailaa.... Ae Circuit suna chumma lene bhi AIDS hota hai saala. Aaj se saare bhai log ko FACE MASK dene ka. Chumma lene se face mask pehenna zaruri hai.

16-09-12	#5856
planner Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Middle East Posts: 1,502 Likes Received: 738 Likes Given: 739	Enjoy n start your day with a smile.................. P'njaab Airways : IN-FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT Gudmarning, Ladies and Gen'lemen. P'rajee aur Behnjee. Sat Sri Akal. On behalf of Captaan Balbir Singh 'Bobby', this is your Flight Supervisor BantaSingh "Bunty" welcoming to you on the P'njaab Airways flight no. 9211(Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana. We apalogize for the two-day delay in taking off, b'cause the sun was not shiningbrightly in the fog. And we are knowing the sun does not shine in the night. Landing in Ludhianais not dafinite, but with good luck we can be landing d'rectly in your v'llage. P'njaab Airways has exc'llant record for safety. In fact our safety standardsare so high that even the fully trained tarrists and hijackers are afraid tofly with us. I am pleased to 'nounce that starting this year over 90% of our p'ssaingershave reached to their dest'nation. For the rest 10%, the P'njaab Airways staff has lots of experience forconsoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be haippy to brief youon our out-of-court settlement policies. If engines are too noisy, on p'ssainger request, we can turn them off forcomfart, but your flight will become late and you may become the late also. For our religious p'ssaingers, we are the only airline who can help you tocontact God at once. In case of sudden loss of cabin pressure, Holy Books willbe quickly distributed. We regret that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we could not recordit from the tallyvision due to power cut. But we will be flying right naxt to Air India, where their movie can beseen from the right side cabin windows. These windows have been opened For your viewing convenience. For p'ssaingers on left side, we have putbinoculars under the seat. If AirIndia flight is again cancelled, then for your in-flight ent'tainment.Our hostesses Bubbly Kaur & Cuckoo Kaur will do the Bhangra with flightstewards Pappu and Tappu. Oye, Balle Balle!! Your in-flight Menu has a choice of Chicken Tikka Masala, Tandoori Fish, Dalmakhani, unlimited P'ronthas and Lassi. There is a half charge for Red Label Whiskey served from Black Label bottles. Patiala pegs will be served only on Patiala flights.. As per safety rules, smoking is not allowed on all P'njaab Airways flights overP'njaab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on theengines. Please do read the 'structions on the Safety Card in seat pocket in your frontside. It is not a hand fan. The P'ssainger behind you must read the card in your backside. Life jackets are placed under your seats for emergency water landings on any ofour 5 rivers. Do not use life jackets on the land. Kindly keep your seat in upright position for take-off & landing. Also donot use force. Broken seats will not be replaced and you will be tied to thefloor during take off and landing. Please be seated first and then fasten your seatbelts. Do not call for stewardor airhostess for a glass of water when plane is taking off. We are about to take-off. We wish you a pleasant flight. For air siknessproblems we have echo friendly jute bags in the sit pokets Thank you once again for flying with P'njaab Airways

16-09-12	#5858
planner Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Middle East Posts: 1,502 Likes Received: 738 Likes Given: 739	Thanks a lot, It's a good lesson learnt from your rich experience. Again thanks for sharing your experience. Cheers,

16-09-12	#5859
planner Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Middle East Posts: 1,502 Likes Received: 738 Likes Given: 739	Marriageis the only war where onesleeps with the enemy. TommyLee Whena man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. LeeMajors Aftermarriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't faceeach other, but still they stay together. AlGore Byall means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a badone, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates Womaninspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. MikeTyson Thegreat question... which I have not been able to answer.... is, "What doesa woman want? GeorgeClooney

16-09-12	#5860
planner Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Middle East Posts: 1,502 Likes Received: 738 Likes Given: 739	I hadsome words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. BillClinton "Somepeople ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restauranttwo times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." GeorgeW. Bush "Idon't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." RudyGiuliani "There'sa way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.It's called marriage." MichaelJordan "I'vehad bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second onedidn't." The third gave me more children! DonaldTrump Twosecrets to keep your marriage brimming 1..Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2.Whenever you're right, shut up. ShaquilleO'Neal Themost effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Kobe Bryant Youknow what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. DavidHasselhoff

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