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#6821 |
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Veteran Member
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#6823 |
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Member
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Two buddies, Tony and Stevie, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Stevie throws up all over himself. "Oh, no. Now Jane will kill me!" Tony says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty pound for the dry cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually Stevie rolls into home and his Jane starts to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Stevie says, "Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin! Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me... he had one too many and he juss couldin hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie pound for the cleaning bill!" Jane looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty pounds." "Oh, yeah...I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too." ![]() |
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#6825 |
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Veteran Member
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An elderly man, from Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. Image removed by sender. Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available." George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up. In five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Police Dog, Fire Truck, a Paramedic, and an residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" I LOVE IT! Don't mess with old people |
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#6826 |
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Veteran Member
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Fastest Worker
A young man finally got a job at the Post Office. He was full of energy and eager to please. The supervisor agreed to work with the new employee, even though he had been warned that he was still immature and knew nothing of the job. The first job the supervisor gives the young man is in sorting, and much to everyone's surprise, the new employee separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. The supervisor was very pleased and asked the young man to come into his office at the end of the day. He said, "I just want you to know that we are all very proud of you. You're one of the fastest workers we have ever had." The humble young man said, "Thank you, sir. And tomorrow, I'll try to do even better." "Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do better?" The young man smiled proudly and said, "Tomorrow, I am going to read the addresses." |
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#6827 |
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Veteran Member
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Ek Baar Ek Bachha Apni Maa Ke Sath Bazar Ja Raha Tha.
Raste Mein Use Ek Gadha Dikha Jiska Samaan Bahar Nikla Hua Tha. Bachhe Ko Samajh Na Aya Ki Wo Kya Hai To Usne Apni Maa Se Pucha. Bachha: “Maa, Ye Kya Hai?” Maa: “Beta Kuch Nahi Hai” Agle Din Wo Hi Bachha Apne Papa Ke Sath Market Mein Se Ja Raha Tha To Use Samne Wahi Gadha Dubara Dikha. Usne Apne Papa Se Pucha: “Wo Kya Hai Papa?” Papa:”Beta Ye Gadhe Ka Hathiyar Hai” Beta: “Par Papa, Kal To Mummy Kah Rahi Thi Ke Kuch Nahi Hai” Papa Ek Lambi Saans Chhodte Hue Bole Papa: “Haan Beta, Wo Sahi Kah Rahi Thi, Uske Liye To Ye Kuch Bhi Nahi Hai“ |
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