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Old July 21 2012, 07:22 AM   #4371
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Old July 21 2012, 07:25 AM   #4372
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A golfer accidentally overturned his cart.

Elizabeth, a "beautiful" real golfer who lived in a villa on the golf
course heard the noise and yelled over to him.

"Hey, are you okay, what's your name?"
"Dan," he replied.

"Dan forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest up and I'll help you get
the cart up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Dan answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Aw come on," Elizabeth insisted.

She was very pretty and persuasive.

"Well okay," Dan finally agreed, And added, "but my wife won't like it."

After a hearty drink AND sexy driving and putting lessons, Dan thanked his host.
"I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" Elizabeth said with a smile , she wont know anything.
By the way, where is she?"

Dan Replied, .................."Under the cart!"
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Old July 21 2012, 07:27 AM   #4373
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An orderly in an insane asylum is making the rounds one day when he sees a man running back and forth pretending he’s driving a car.

“What are you doing, Willy?” he asks.

“I’m going to Chicago for the weekend,” the patient replies.

The orderly chuckles and enters Willy’s room to change the sheets. When he walks in he sees one of the other patients furiously masturbating on the bed.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” yells the orderly.

“Shhh,” says the patient, “I’m screwing Willy’s wife while he’s in Chicago.”

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Old July 21 2012, 11:09 AM   #4374
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Default Never make a woman angry

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to
greet her, she peeked through the gates and saw a beautiful banquet table.

Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and
who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her,
"Hello. How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him,
"This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman
and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I
married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And
then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in
and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We
were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my
head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
"Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis ", she replied.

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry . . . there will be Hell to pay!


NB: The longest word currently listed in the Oxford dictionary is the supposed
lung-disease pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (45 letters).

Now you've learned a new word.
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Old July 21 2012, 12:44 PM   #4375
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Old July 21 2012, 12:44 PM   #4376
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Old July 21 2012, 12:45 PM   #4377
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Old July 21 2012, 01:02 PM   #4378
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Old July 21 2012, 01:03 PM   #4379
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Old July 21 2012, 01:03 PM   #4380
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