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Old September 16 2012, 10:40 AM   #5851
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Munna Bhai MBBS ke hospital mein ek patient aaya:

Munna bhai: Pareshaan kaahe ko ho raha hai... Kya hua tere ko?

Patient: Munna bhai mere ko AIDS ho gaya hai.

Munna bhai: Kya locha karela re tu, tere ko AIDS kaise hua?

Patient: Bhai maine toh sirf Chumma liya tha.

Munna bhai: Ailaa.... Ae Circuit suna chumma lene bhi AIDS hota hai saala. Aaj se saare bhai log ko FACE MASK dene ka. Chumma lene se face mask pehenna zaruri hai.

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Old September 16 2012, 12:41 PM   #5852
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Old September 16 2012, 12:44 PM   #5853
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Enjoy n start your day with a smile..................
P'njaab Airways : IN-FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT



Gudmarning, Ladies and Gen'lemen. P'rajee aur Behnjee. Sat Sri Akal.
On behalf of Captaan Balbir Singh 'Bobby', this is your Flight Supervisor BantaSingh "Bunty" welcoming to you on the P'njaab Airways flight no. 9211(Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana.
We apalogize for the two-day delay in taking off, b'cause the sun was not shiningbrightly in the fog. And we are knowing the sun does not shine in the night.
Landing in Ludhianais not dafinite, but with good luck we can be landing d'rectly in your v'llage.
P'njaab Airways has exc'llant record for safety. In fact our safety standardsare so high that even the fully trained tarrists and hijackers are afraid tofly with us.
I am pleased to 'nounce that starting this year over 90% of our p'ssaingershave reached to their dest'nation.
For the rest 10%, the P'njaab Airways staff has lots of experience forconsoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be haippy to brief youon our out-of-court settlement policies.
If engines are too noisy, on p'ssainger request, we can turn them off forcomfart, but your flight will become late and you may become the late also.
For our religious p'ssaingers, we are the only airline who can help you tocontact God at once. In case of sudden loss of cabin pressure, Holy Books willbe quickly distributed.
We regret that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we could not recordit from the tallyvision due to power cut.
But we will be flying right naxt to Air India, where their movie can beseen from the right side cabin windows. These windows have been opened
For your viewing convenience. For p'ssaingers on left side, we have putbinoculars under the seat.
If AirIndia flight is again cancelled, then for your in-flight ent'tainment.Our hostesses Bubbly Kaur & Cuckoo Kaur will do the Bhangra with flightstewards Pappu and Tappu. Oye, Balle Balle!!
Your in-flight Menu has a choice of Chicken Tikka Masala, Tandoori Fish, Dalmakhani, unlimited P'ronthas and Lassi.
There is a half charge for Red Label Whiskey served from Black Label bottles. Patiala pegs will be served only on Patiala flights..

As per safety rules, smoking is not allowed on all P'njaab Airways flights overP'njaab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on theengines.
Please do read the 'structions on the Safety Card in seat pocket in your frontside. It is not a hand fan.
The P'ssainger behind you must read the card in your backside.
Life jackets are placed under your seats for emergency water landings on any ofour 5 rivers. Do not use life jackets on the land.
Kindly keep your seat in upright position for take-off & landing. Also donot use force. Broken seats will not be replaced and you will be tied to thefloor during take off and landing.
Please be seated first and then fasten your seatbelts. Do not call for stewardor airhostess for a glass of water when plane is taking off.

We are about to take-off. We wish you a pleasant flight. For air siknessproblems we have echo friendly jute bags in the sit pokets
Thank you once again for flying with P'njaab Airways
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Old September 16 2012, 02:39 PM   #5854
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Don’t try to Understand a Girl Completely,

If you do……

You either Go Mad..


Or



You will

Start Loving Her.. ..!! !!
__________________
Dil Jawan Hai To Jahan Hai
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Old September 16 2012, 03:23 PM   #5855
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Thanks a lot,
It's a good lesson learnt from your rich experience.

Again thanks for sharing your experience.

Cheers,
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Old September 16 2012, 03:55 PM   #5856
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Marriageis the only war where
onesleeps with the enemy.
TommyLee

Whena man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep
her.
LeeMajors

Aftermarriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't
faceeach other, but still they stay together.
AlGore

Byall means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
badone, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Womaninspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
MikeTyson

Thegreat question... which I have not been able to answer.... is, "What
doesa woman want?
GeorgeClooney
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Old September 16 2012, 03:55 PM   #5857
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I hadsome words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
BillClinton

"Somepeople ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restauranttwo times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
dancing.She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
GeorgeW. Bush

"Idon't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
RudyGiuliani

"There'sa way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking.It's called marriage."
MichaelJordan

"I'vehad bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second
onedidn't." The third gave me more children!
DonaldTrump

Twosecrets to keep your marriage brimming
1..Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2.Whenever you're right, shut up.
ShaquilleO'Neal

Themost effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once...
Kobe Bryant

Youknow what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
DavidHasselhoff
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Old September 16 2012, 03:56 PM   #5858
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Mywife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
AlecBaldwin

Agood wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
BarackObama

A maninserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
receiveda hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
BradPitt

FirstGuy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
SecondGuy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
JimmyKimmel

"Honey,what happened to 'ladies first'?" Husband replies, "That's the
reasonwhy the world's a mess today, because a lady went first!"
DavidLetterman

"Firstthere's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding
ring...soonafter.....comes Suffe’...ring!
JayLeno
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Old September 16 2012, 06:12 PM   #5859
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Indian Tourism Board

Following are the actual questions from tourists and actual responses by the Indian tourism website officials, who undoubtedly have an excellent sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into India ? (U )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa, straight after the hippo races.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India? (UK)
A: You're a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)
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Old September 16 2012, 06:15 PM   #5860
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L0l
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