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Old October 12 2012, 10:37 PM   #6281
 
 
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Old October 12 2012, 11:37 PM   #6282
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A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway?
It's been flickering for weeks now."

He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."


"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."


To which he replied, "Fix the fridge do
or? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."


"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"


So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours.


He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey, how'd this all get fixed?"


She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried.

Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either s***w him or bake him a cake."

He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"


She replied, "Hellooooo... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"
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Old October 12 2012, 11:39 PM   #6283
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A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick! Bring me a beer before it starts!"

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.


When he finished it, he said, "Quick! Bring me another beer! It's gonna start!"


This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.


When it was gone, he said, "Quickly! Another beer! It's gon
na start any second!"

"That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave! Don't you realise that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"


The husband sighed. "Oh shit. It's started."
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Old October 12 2012, 11:58 PM   #6284
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amit Dang View Post
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.

"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
its not a joke. But a lesson
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Old October 13 2012, 12:05 AM   #6285
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An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband's s*x drive.

'What about trying Viagra?' asks the doctor.

Not a chance' says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."

'No problem,' replies the doctor. 'Drop it into his coffee,he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.'

A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.

'Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor.'

What happened?' asks the doctor.

'Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to
make wild passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible!

'What was terrible?' said the doctor, 'Was it not good?'

'Oh no doctor, the s*x was the best I've had in 25 years...
but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again!'

didn't she cry for help?.... but kya karein gharwaala hi "chamatkar" karr raha hai sabke saamne.... toh VIRUS kya karega...

ALL IZZ WELL
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Old October 13 2012, 12:24 AM   #6286
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Dialogue of last century:
Mere Paas Maa Hai

Dialogue of this century:
Mere Paas Saasu Maa Hai
(By Robert Vadra)



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Old October 13 2012, 12:26 PM   #6287
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Old October 13 2012, 12:27 PM   #6288
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Old October 13 2012, 12:28 PM   #6289
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Old October 13 2012, 12:31 PM   #6290
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