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Old October 25 2012, 04:33 PM   #6701
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Santa goes into a very exclusive hotel for a night with a call girl and asks for a room. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever.

In the morning Santa and the girl came to settle the bill and were surprised to find the amount to be over $3000.

"How's this? We ve only been here one night!" Santa was annoyed.

"So?", said the manager, "this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis course, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up."

"But we didn't use any of these!" explained Santa.

"If you didn't use - that's your problem," came the reply.

"In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said Santa.

"What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didn't sleep with your wife!"

"If you didn't use - that's your problem!"

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Old October 25 2012, 04:35 PM   #6702
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Banta's son is having trouble understanding Economics, so he asks his dad.

"It's very simple," explains his dad. "Let me make it simpler through comparisons.

Since I'm the one who earns for the house, I can be referred to as the Management. Since your mother runs the household, she will be called the Government, the maid is the Working Class, you are the People and your baby brother, since he's so little, will represent the Future."

With that, the little boy goes away to ponder over all that has been said.

That night, his baby brother's wailing awakens him. So, he rushes to his parents room and sees that his father is not in his bed while his mom is fast asleep. He then goes to the maid's room to find his father busy making out with the maid. Tired of everyone ignoring him, the boy goes back to his room.

Next morning, Banta asks him about what he had learned the previous day.

"Well," replies his son, "While the Management is screwing the Working Class, the Government is fast asleep, People are being ignored and the Future is full of shit."
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Old October 25 2012, 04:43 PM   #6703
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In a remote village of India, once Masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the ‘Krishna janma’ part of it.
Masterji : “Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister’s 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning… Second one is born n Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born…
deshi teacher
Ramu : I have a doubt (sounding nervous and confused).
Masterji : “Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata then how come you have one?”
Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki’s 8th child was going to Kill him, “Why the hell did he put Vasudev and Devaki in the same cell?”
Masterji fainted.
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Old October 25 2012, 04:51 PM   #6704
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Banta was getting ready to close his bar for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun.

He yells to Banta, "This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!"

The scared Banta pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!"

The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!"

Banta says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!"

The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the Banta's head and says, Alright, now give me a blowjob!"

"Anything!" cries Banta, "Just don't shoot!"

Banta starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun.

Banta sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells, "Hold the gun, damn it! Somebody might walk in!"
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Old October 25 2012, 04:51 PM   #6705
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Celebrating Deepavali and Christmas

A very distinguished Indian lady walks into a tattoo shop and sits down.

The PROPRIETOR, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated lady in his shop, runs over immediately and asks if he could help her.

To his shock and utter delight, she lifts up her silk sari and points to her right inner thigh, very high up.

"Right here," she says, " I want you to tattoo a clay lamp, and underneath it I want the word Diwali."

Then she points to her left thigh just as high up, and says, "On this side, I want you to tattoo an evergreen tree with lights and tinsel and an angel on top, and underneath it I want the word 'Christmas'".

The owner looks at her. "Ooh, lady, it's none of my business, but that is probably the most unusual request I've ever heard. Why in the world do you want to do that?

"Well," the lady said, "I'm sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there's never anything good to eat between Diwali and Christmas".
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Old October 25 2012, 06:33 PM   #6706
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ਸੋਹਣੀਆਂ ਹਸੀਨਾਂ ਤੇ ਮਾੜੀਆਂ ਮਸ਼ੀਨਾਂ, ਇਹ ਦੋਵੇਂ ਪੈਸੇ ਬੜੇ ਖਾਂਦੀਆਂ.'
Beautiful girls and old wretched machines consume more money

DISCLAIMER:I am not creator of these jokes.These jokes are collected from cyberspace and presented to you.If you feel these are worth to make you ponder or laugh,please press LIKE,otherwise ignore or report to Admin.
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Old October 25 2012, 11:00 PM   #6707
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Ek press wala Laaloji se puchta hai,
Aap ne apne ghar me 11 bachee kaise kiye?
To Lalooji bole: Kyunki hum rubber se jyada rabdi ko use kiya hu na!
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Old October 25 2012, 11:02 PM   #6708
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A newly married man was standing in front of a mirror naked and was admiring his physique.
'2 inches more & I will be a king.'
Suddenly the wife comes in and says,'2 inches less and you will be a queen!'
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Old October 25 2012, 11:07 PM   #6709
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The 7 most important men in a woman's life 
1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes." 
2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide." 
3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?" 
4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?" 
5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!" 
6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!" 
7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"
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Old October 26 2012, 12:15 AM   #6710
 
 
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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?” The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?” The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”
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