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Apologies to everyone in advance for this thread but i think something like this will lighten up the mood for everyone ....if some people also contributes there share of RE/Money/Insurance/Loan etc related jokes everyday....I think that will be cool.

Here is my first one - which i just love

One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to
the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give £20 to the child who can tell me who was the most
respected man, whom people consider God, who ever lived."

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, " It was St. Patrick ."
The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, " It was St. Andrew ."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.

Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, " It was Jesus Christ ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and
I'll give you the £20."

As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know
Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus
Christ." Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but
business is business!"


:-))))

Regards
Sbajaj
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  • Rednecks' have the lowest stress rate because they do not understand the seriousness of most medical terminology....



    Artery
    The study of paintings
    Bacteria
    Back door to cafeteria
    Barium
    What doctors do when patients die
    Benign
    What you be, after you be eight
    Caesarean SectionCat scan
    Searching for Kitty
    CauterizeColicComa
    A punctuation mark
    Dilate
    To live long

    Enema
    Unfriendly female
    Fester
    Quicker than someone else
    FibulaImpotent
    Distinguished, well known
    Labor Pain
    Getting hurt at work

    Medical Staff
    A Doctor's cane
    Morbid
    A higher offer
    Nitrates
    Rates of Pay for Working at Night,
    Normally more money than Days





    Outpatient
    A person who has fainted
    Pelvis
    Second cousin to Elvis
    Post Operative
    A letter carrier
    Recovery Room
    Place to do upholstery
    Rectum
    Nearly killed him
    Secretion

    Hiding something

    Seizure
    Roman Emperor
    Tablet
    A small table

    Terminal Illness
    Getting sick at the airport



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  • दो निहायत आलसी आदमी
    एक रोज एक ही कमरे में लेटे हुए थे.
    .
    पहला आदमी बोला – “यार ज़रा बाहर जाकर तो देख,
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    दूसरा chhora लेटे लेटे ही बोला –
    “बारिश हो रही है … ”

    पहला – “बिना देखे ही तू कैसे कह सकता है ?”
    दूसरा – “अभी- अभी जो बिल्ली अंदर आई
    थी वो भीगी हुई थी …
    इसका मतलब बारिश हो रही है.”

    थोड़ी देर बाद पहला आदमी बोला –
    “ज़रा बत्ती तो बझा दे यार,
    मुझे रौशनी में नींद नहीं आती !”
    दूसरा आदमी फिर लेटे लेटे ही बोला –
    “आँखें बंद कर लो अपने-आप अँधेरा हो जायेगा !”

    पहला आदमी झल्लाकर बोला –
    “कम से कम दरवाजा तो बंद कर ले … ”
    दूसरा आदमी – “अब दो काम मैंने कर दिए,
    एकाध काम तू खुद भी कर ले
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    1) Bangkok
    2) Macau
    3) Amsterdam
    4) Las vegas
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    CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS? ... really means, "There is no way I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.

    I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. ... really means, "without you in it."

    DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?... really means, "We haven't had a fight in a while."

    NO, PIZZA'S FINE.... really means, "you cheap slob!"

    I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW. ... really means, "I just don't want YOU as a boyfriend now.

    I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? ... really means, "I can't believe you have nothing planned!"

    COME HERE. ... really means, "My puppy does this, too."

    I LIKE YOU, BUT... really means, "I don't like you."

    OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.... really means, "just not in that way."

    YOU NEVER LISTEN. ... really means, "You never listen.

    WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY. ... really means, "I'm not going to stay over until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.

    I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.... really means, "I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will."


    OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. ... really means, "I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going Dutch."

    I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. .... really means, "We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.
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  • If Men Got Pregnant:

    •Morning sickness would rank as the nation's number one health problem
    •Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay
    •Children would be kept in hospital until toilet trained
    •Natural childbirth would become obsolete
    •All methods of birth control would be 100 per cent effective
    •Men would be eager to talk about commitment
    •There would be a cure for stretch marks
    •They'd serve beer instead of coffee at antenatal classes
    •Men wouldn't think twins were so cute
    •Sons would have to be home from dates by 10 p.m.

    Men could use their briefcases as diaper bags.


    They'd have to stop saying, "I'm afraid I'll drop him".


    Paternity suits would be a line of clothes.


    They'd stay in bed for the entire nine months.


    Menus at most restaurants would list ice cream and pickles as an entree.
    Women would rule the world!
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