|September 10 2012, 06:18 PM||#5701|
Chandigarh or jalandhar
Santa was flying to Chandigarh from Pune. He was allotted a middle seat but decided to take the window seat instead, which had been allotted to an old lady.
The lady requested Santa to exchange the seats and let her sit on the seat allotted to her. He refused, saying, 'I want to see the view from the window.' The old lady complained to the air hostess who requested Santa to sit on his allotted middle seat. Santa was adamant and bluntly refused.
The air hostess went up to the co-pilot. He too came and requested Santa, but in vain.
Finally, the captain of the aircraft came. He whispered something in Santa's ears. Santa immediately vacated the window seat and took the middle seat.
Astonished, the air hostess and the co-pilot asked the captain what he had said to Santa. The captain replied: 'Nothing, I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others were going to Jalandhar.'
Dil Jawan Hai To Jahan Hai
|September 10 2012, 06:39 PM||#5703|
Customer: Waiter aisi chai pilao jisse tan-man jhum uthe or badan machalne
Waiter: Sir,hamare yaha bhains ka dudh aata hai, Vidya Balan ka nahi....
|September 10 2012, 06:42 PM||#5704|
अण्डे और दूध
कितना मुश्किल होता है यह सुनना...??
औरत (नौकर से) " रामू.....साहब के अण्डे उबाल दो....जल्दी.. !"
नौकर " ठीक है मेम साहब... और आपका दूध भी गरम कर दूँ क्या....??"
औरत " नहीं अभी नहीं पहले साहब को ऑफिस जाने दे... फिर कर देना...!!"
|September 10 2012, 07:00 PM||#5707|
India — the new millennium
Cheer up my son, buck up my boy,
You are living in 'The Land of Joy'. You go to school where they do not teach,
In the House of God, they hatred preach.
If you have merit, you will sigh and sob,
If you are backward, you might get a job.
Out of caste, if you dare to wed,
Your kith and kin will chop your head.
If you are honest, in north or in south,You will live from hand to mouth.
If you are wily and your means sinister,You are likely to become a chief minister.
But remember the new maxim, my lad,
Defection is good, conversion is bad.
|September 10 2012, 07:35 PM||#5709|
Matter of perception
Two Women were chatting in the office.
Woman 1: I had s*x last night, did you?
Woman 2: Yes.
Woman 1: Was it good?
Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having s*x in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours...?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!
At the same time, their husbands were talking at work.
Husband 1: You wanted s*x last night, how was it?
Husband 2: Great.. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, sc*ewed my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab.
We had to walk home which took an hour - and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light f*cking candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't come for another hour.
After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another f*cking hour.
|September 10 2012, 10:48 PM||#5710|
The income tax officer decides to audit businessman Kewalramani, and summons him to the income tax office.
The officer is not surprised when Kewalramani shows up with his attorney, Jamshedji..
The officer says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you won money . I'm not sure the income tax finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Kewalramani. "How about a demonstration?"
The officer thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Kewalramani says, "I'll bet you ten thousand rupees that I can bite my own eye."
The officer thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."
Kewalramani removes his glass eye and bites it.
The officer's jaw drops.
Kewalramani says, "Now, I'll bet you Twenty Thousand rupees that I can bite my other eye."
The officer can tell Kewalramani isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Kewalramani removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned officer now realizes he has wagered and lost Thirty thousand rupees, with Jamshedji as a witness.
He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Kewalramani asks.
"I'll bet you Sixty Thousand rupees that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The officer, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and Decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, So he agrees again.
Kewalramani stands beside the desk and unzips his pants,but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.
The officer leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss Into a huge win.
But Jamshedji the lawyer moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the officer asks.
"Not really," says Jamshedji, the attorney.
"This morning, when Kewalramani told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me Two lakhs Rupees that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."
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