Santa was flying to Chandigarh from Pune. He was allotted a middle seat but decided to take the window seat instead, which had been allotted to an old lady.
The lady requested Santa to exchange the seats and let her sit on the seat allotted to her. He refused, saying, 'I want to see the view from the window.' The old lady complained to the air hostess who requested Santa to sit on his allotted middle seat. Santa was adamant and bluntly refused.
The air hostess went up to the co-pilot. He too came and requested Santa, but in vain.
Finally, the captain of the aircraft came. He whispered something in Santa's ears. Santa immediately vacated the window seat and took the middle seat.
Astonished, the air hostess and the co-pilot asked the captain what he had said to Santa. The captain replied: 'Nothing, I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others were going to Jalandhar.'
Cheer up my son, buck up my boy,
You are living in 'The Land of Joy'. You go to school where they do not teach,
In the House of God, they hatred preach.
If you have merit, you will sigh and sob,
If you are backward, you might get a job.
Out of caste, if you dare to wed,
Your kith and kin will chop your head.
If you are honest, in north or in south,You will live from hand to mouth.
If you are wily and your means sinister,You are likely to become a chief minister.
But remember the new maxim, my lad,
Defection is good, conversion is bad.
Woman 1: I had s*x last night, did you?
Woman 2: Yes.
Woman 1: Was it good?
Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having s*x in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours...?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!
At the same time, their husbands were talking at work.
Husband 1: You wanted s*x last night, how was it?
Husband 2: Great.. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, sc*ewed my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab.
We had to walk home which took an hour - and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light f*cking candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't come for another hour.
After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another f*cking hour.