|September 16 2012, 03:56 PM||#5851|
Mywife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Agood wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
A maninserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
receiveda hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
FirstGuy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
SecondGuy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
"Honey,what happened to 'ladies first'?" Husband replies, "That's the
reasonwhy the world's a mess today, because a lady went first!"
"Firstthere's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding
|September 16 2012, 06:12 PM||#5852|
Indian Tourism Board
Following are the actual questions from tourists and actual responses by the Indian tourism website officials, who undoubtedly have an excellent sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into India ? (U )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa, straight after the hippo races.
Q: Can I wear high heels in India? (UK)
A: You're a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: Do you have perfume in India? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.
Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)
|September 16 2012, 06:24 PM||#5855|
Photographer Michel Denis-Huot, who captured these amazing pictures on safari in
Kenya 's Masai Mara in October last year, said he was astounded by what he saw:
"These three brothers (Cheetahs) have been living together since they left their mother at about 18 months old,' he said.’On the morning we saw them, they seemed not to be hungry, walking quickly but stopping sometimes to play together. 'At one point, they met a group of impala who ran away. But one youngster was not quick enough and the brothers caught it easily."
These extraordinary scenes followed.
Finally, they just walked away...without hurting him...
|September 16 2012, 06:26 PM||#5856|
This farmer had a wife who nagged him all the time. One day, while he was out plowing the field, she came out and started in on him.
While she was ranting, the mule kicked her and she died.
At the funeral, one visitor noticed that a group of ladies had come up to talk to the farmer and he had nodded “yes” to them.
Then he watched as some men came up, talked to the farmer, and he shook his head “no.”
Curious, he asked the farmer about the conversations. “Well,” the farmer replied, “the ladies told me how pretty my wife looked. And the men wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
|September 16 2012, 10:24 PM||#5858|
Guess before the video is over...what the advt is for:
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